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I believe that in most cases, it's best for children to be cared for during the day by their own parents. Sometimes that's not possible for various reasons, and sometimes the decision to stay home or keep working really isn't an easy one to make. Here are some questions to ask yourselves to help you figure out what will work best for your family:
What's the cost of childcare?
Depending on where you live, childcare costs can be reasonable or outrageous. Call around to various nannies and daycares to get an idea of what you'll be paying. If one of you makes only enough to cancel out the price of paying someone else to watch your child, that might be a reason to think about staying home. If you're lucky enough to have trusted family living nearby, you may be able to cut down the cost of childcare while Junior has a blast playing with Aunt Katie and the cousins.
Can you afford to live on one income?
If it's likely but you're not sure, try putting away the salary of the spouse who is thinking of staying home. Pretend it doesn't exist for 6 months, a year, or the duration of your pregnancy. This way, your money is sitting in savings and you can work on cutting costs in different areas before you really need to.
Could one of you work from home or cut down your hours?
If your jobs are flexible, you may be able to talk to your employers and change or reduce the hours you work. Think about staggering your hours so that each one of you spends some time at home caring for your child. Even if your work hours still overlap, you can reduce the amount of time you'd need to hire someone to watch your child. Better on your wallet and better on your family.
If you decide to work, are you okay with spending so much time away from your child?
I know everyone says it, but it's really true: they grow so fast! You probably will miss some of your child's firsts. As a nanny, there were times I talked to a parent about something a kid did only to find out the parents hadn't seen them do that yet. I made a conscious effort to not bring up anything "new" until the parents mentioned it first. Most childcare providers do the same thing.
If you decide to stay home, are you okay with spending so much time with your child?
You know yourself best. Will you go crazy spending all day at home without adults? Do you really thrive on the social and/or mental stimulation at work? Do you enjoy playing with blocks and having tea parties at home? Remember - staying at home with your kids doesn't necessarily mean you have to stay at home!
What kind of resources are there in your area for stay-at-home parents?
Do you have friends with kids with whom you can set up playdates? Are there local playgroups? Support groups? Music, dance, language or play classes for you and your child? You may be surprised at what's available. Look around at local businesses who cater to families; often they have flyers, brochures or other publications with great opportunities. If you live in an isolated area and have a high need for social interaction, that might be something to consider in making your decision.
What if your child gets sick?
It's well-documented that children in daycare or school get sick more often than those who stay at home. What is your company's personal leave policy? Will you be able to take time off or find alternative care when your child is ill?
If you decide to stay home, can you handle not having any time off or sick days?
Parenting is hard work. Most of the time it's great, but we all have days where we want to tear our hair out. Usually I don't get a break until my husband gets home from work, but it's also helpful to just walk outside for a change of scenery and fresh air. If you have friends with kids, you can try trading off watching each others' kids so one of you can take a bubble bath and relax.
